Hi! I'm a fat balding, middle aged bloke who has always dreamed of touring the globe. This is a dream I have had ever since I was a youngster, however, like so many things we want to do, the demands of life always somehow managed to get in the way. I have now been gifted with the chance and I intend grabbing it with both hands.
In the original version I saw myself building a boat and sailing round the world, visiting far flung tropical islands, swimming in warm azure waters, drinking long cool cocktails on white tropical beaches under gently swaying palms whilst some bronzed beauty rubbed oil into my back...
Now having (somewhat surprisingly in my case) survived another 30 years of life's bewildering unpredictability, I think I can now, with some certainty, predict that sailing around the globe would in all likelihood bear absolutely no resemblance to the original dream. It would no doubt be one of terrifying amounts of crashing white water, sea sickness, hideous navigational errors, and not a bronzed beauty in sight.
After having come to terms with this rather unhappy realisation, it became apparent that if I was to ever fulfill this dream another solution would have to be found, and it had to be one that did not involve large expanses of deep water. So whilst I have the profoundest admiration for people that do undertake this seafaring business, I intend to give smallish (read affordable) yachts a very wide berth.
As sea and air were out of the question it somehow unsurprisingly left the road. Driving or motorcycling did not appeal as it meant fuel, expensive maintenance, insurance, and routes dictated by the availability of said fuel - all the things I wanted to get away from.
Enter the bicycle. Having cycled for years it was the obvious solution.
Therefore, after years and years of subservience to a multitude of idiots, utility bills, keeping up with the Jones's, the daily struggle to maintain the feral and feckless, and not forgetting a couple of marriages, I'm out of here!
